The problem. The solution. (Part 1)

The problem:

I don't want to be one of those people who is constantly obsessing about their weight. About what they eat. About their exercise. There is so much more to life... But unfortunately, whenever I stop thinking about it, I fall back into old habits. Once again I have been mindlessly eating, eating for comfort, eating to self-sabotage, eating to the point of feeling sick - which is how I feel right now. Sick. I have a junk food hangover, the runs, I feel sick in the stomach, can taste what I had for tea last night (not in a good way), my lips are dry and I feel all jittery, still hyped up on the ridiculous amounts of sugar.

Obviously, I have some issues to work through. I wish it was as simple as I lose the weight and it stays off - but instead it seems to be getting more complicated. I originally started this blog as a way to work out a way to sustain my weight loss - I'd lost 35kg+, but was having trouble keeping it off because I had fallen back into old habits. Now I'm there again.

I weighed myself this morning - 68.5kg. I've gained 6.5kg over the last month basically. I'm not surprised either with the binge eating I've been doing. What is wrong with me? It really is that I am basically just eating crappy food to the point of feeling sick. Every. Single. Day.

It's all emotional. It's all about my mindset. I have not been coping so well with the whole mum thing recently. The little miss is such a handful - nothing is simple or easy with her. Sleep is hard. Eating is hard. Getting her dressed is hard. Changing her nappy is hard. Leaving the house is hard. Getting her in the car is hard. Getting her to leave somewhere is hard. I'm just so over the screaming.

The little man is not quite as easy as he usually is either - he never wants to leave the house, or eat anything I put in front of him, he asks to watch movies all day long, and he has the a way of making me feel so terribly guilty whenever I tell him off (think of the biggest, saddest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen and times it by about ten).

I'm just not coping. The TV is on too much and I am just not living up to my own expectations as a mum. I'm usually so patient, but I'm just not at the moment because I'm already feeling so crappy about myself. Then if I do tell the kids off or raise my voice I feel even crappier and worse about myself... and so the cycle continues.

And that's just the mum thing. I feel lost because hubby and I were sort of TTC without any luck, and now we're not. Which is probably just as well because I'm not coping with two at the moment - three would just push me to a bad place.

I feel bad because I have so many friends but never feel that I am there enough for any of them.

I feel bad because I have it so much easier than pretty well everyone I know, but I am struggling. I guess that makes me pretty weak and pathetic.

So, what do I do? I eat. I eat to make myself feel better. I eat for comfort. But I also eat as punishment I think. Punishment for not being the person that I want to be. The kind of mum I want to be, that I should be. Punishment for eating crappy despite knowing what it will lead to.

Already most of my jeans are too tight, and half my clothes I don't want to wear because my stupid podgy tummy sticks out too much. It's depressing, which makes me sabotage myself some more. See - it's all emotional. When I feel down, I eat crappy food. How do I break that cycle?

Once I have the right mindset, I seem to be able to just follow through - but I can't seem to get there recently.  I've been exercising fine - I enjoy exercise. I'm focused on training for this half-marathon and I've been trying out some classes (yoga and pilates so far but I want to try more) at a gym that I won a month membership to. But the eating I can't seem to reign in. I know exactly what I should be doing what I should be eating, and I know I can do it... but I am holding myself back. It's like however crappy I'm feeling on the inside I want to start reflecting on the outside.

I hate feeling this way. I am usually such a happy person. At the moment I don't even feel like myself. 

I'm back!

Things have not been good here. I well and truly fell of the wagon. I was struggling with it in my last post, and soon after that I just gave into it. I stopped caring what I was eating - Easter was coming up and it seemed pointless to even try. I stopped exercising too. Even when you've been doing so well for so long, slipping up happens and it can spiral out of control very quickly. It sucks, yes, but it something I'm just going to have to be aware of to keep myself in line.

Easter is over now. The chocolate is gone and I have a few weeks of really bad eating to put behind me and move on. I feel much better in my mind this time - those last couple of posts I was wanting to get back to it, but I wasn't really 'feeling' it. This time I know I will be. I have renewed motivation, a new goal and some nice visualisations that keep popping into my head (just simple things like seeing myself in 6 month, 12 months time and looking/feeling slim, healthy, happy).

My new goal is a challenge - a friend has asked me if I would like to run a half marathon with her in September. For those of you who don't know, a half marathon is about 21km. If we feel okay with that, there is even the possibility of me maybe considering doing the (full) Melbourne marathon in October. We'll see.

I'm taking it pretty easy - I've been doing a bit of a body-cleanse I suppose. I have had so much crap food recently, ridiculous amounts of it - I need a mini detox. So it's all about fruit and vegetables and water at the moment.

Yesterday was a tough day - sugar withdrawal suck. I felt lethargic and headachey and just generally crappy. I'm feeling much better today, thank goodness. I still haven't started back up with exercise, but I will.

I wish I could say that I will never fall off the wagon again, but to be honest I just don't know. I wish I didn't have issues with food. This is going to be a lifelong struggle, but I know I am never going to be that fat chick again.

JFDI!

*morning* Motivation levels are not high... but I need to snap out of this cycle of I gotten myself into.

I weighed myself this morning - 66kg. Considering a few weeks ago I was down to 62kg, this is not good. It has been almost two weeks since I exercised too. I am in such a slump - in my body, in my mind. I want to be better, but I feel so crappy about myself that I want an immediate pick-me-up to feel better... something sweet from the bakery section at Coles. It only makes me feel better while I'm eating though, then I go back to feeling crappy, except then with added guilt about what I just ate. Stupid cycle.

*evening* So, today was not good. I was in a filthy rotten mood, and while I started the day well and with good intentions, by late morning I had started eating badly, and I continued to do so for the rest of the day. I know I haven't done myself any favours - every extra day I spend acting out my old 'fat habits' is making it harder and harder for myself to get back on track.

Tomorrow is a new day though. I've read back some old posts, trying to muster up some of that motivation - I'm going to need it to get through the next few days, with the sugar withdrawal headaches that I'm bound to be hit with.

I titled this post JFDI - but really it needs to be JFSI! I am punishing myself with food, I need to stop and start looking after myself again.

When you fall down...

...stand up, brush yourself off and just keep on going.

After being so good for so long, I've slipped up. There's no excuse really, I knew what I was doing.

But now it's time to snap myself out of it and get back on track. Like I've said in previous posts, this blog is here for this reason: To help me refocus when I've strayed and think about what is important.

So, once again I will keep a food and exercise diary - just for a week this time. Just long enough to get those habits I had formed up and running again.

I really like how I feel when I'm eating well and exercising. I feel really good about myself, I feel energetic and alive and like I can achieve anything. That feeling is so much better than how I'm feeling at this current moment: fat, bloated, gassy, tired, depleted of energy and a little depressed. I don't like myself at this current moment.

So, up and at 'em tomorrow morning. A run followed by a healthy breakfast... that's a start.

An update: feeling kinda awesome!

I really feel like I've changed, for good. I feel like these new healthy habits are getting more and more ingrained, and as a result becoming much easier to maintain. After my one month challenge I was technically allowed sugar and dairy again, but to be honest I've barely touched both. I've been keeping up with my healthy treats, healthy eating, and still exercise about 6 times a week.

I've had a few little weight loss victories since too. One of the first is being able to comfortably and confidently wear shorts (short shorts) for the first time since I was a kid. This is with my blinding white legs too! It's such a nice feeling - being confident enough to wear something so short but also feeling that you can pull it off! I mean, I'm never going to be one to think I at all compare to those thin things you see in magazines - but for us everyday people, I'm starting to feel really content with how I look.

This morning I jumped on the scales... It read 62.35kg, the lightest I've been in a long, long time. I was 60kg when I got married 7+ years ago, and I'm hoping to reach that in the next month or so. When I do, I think I might even try on my wedding dress - just for fun! I am also teasingly close to having now lost a total of 40kg!!!

I've been keeping up with my exercise. Last week I tried a 'speed run' (where I ran as fast as I could for a short run), and ended up running 3.71km in 17.53 minutes, meaning my average pace was 4.49 per kilometre and my average speed was 12.46km/h. I was buggered by the end, but that's a good thing! A nice challenge! I've since had a cold, so haven't been for a run since. I am feeling much better today though, so went for a walk today, and am planning a run in the morning. I still have my women's 5km on Sunday - I'll pick up my pink t-shirt and race number tomorrow.

I've also been doing some health/weight loss related online shopping... I placed an order through Loving Earth, which I received today. I got two bags of kale chips, some chocolate coconut butter, a variety pack of luvju bars and two different blocks of their chocolate. For those who don't know, Loving Earth is pretty well all organic, raw, naturally sweetened, so quite healthy still - in moderate amounts of course! So far I've only tried a spoonful of the chocolate coconut butter, and OMG... it is GOOD! I can't wait to try everything!

My other purchase was another pair of Black Milk leggings... peacock ones this time. So pretty, and I feel good wearing them. It's so fun and exciting being interested in clothes/fashion again!

Actually, life in general is just fun and exciting! I feel really fit and healthy and happy - my best possible me really!

Day Thirty-One - This is the end my friends

So, here I am at the end of my month. Not that this means a great deal in the grand scheme of things. I'm still planning on eating and exercising like I have been for the past month, the only difference is I won't be blogging about it everyday.

I weighed myself this morning - thought it might be good to see where I started and ended this month. Thirty-one days ago I weighed 70.1kg - having gained 5kg+ over the Christmas/New Year period. That was a big wake up call, a big slap in the face - having put so much work in over the past year, to then relax my eating and exercise (read: fell off the wagon big time) and see the weight pile on so quickly. Not nice, especially when I started having trouble doing up my jeans.
This morning I weighed 64.65kg. So, in the past month I have lost 5.45kg. My weight loss has definitely slowed down, but it is still slowly coming off, and I'm happy with that. It's not a race afterall - it's a lifestyle.

I'll definitely be back and blogging occasionally  when I feel the need. If I need to get myself focussed again, or just want to share an achievement, or an awesome recipe... This is not really the end. To be honest, I don't think my weight loss 'journey' (blergh) will ever end. It's something I'm always going to have to be mindful of. I wish it wasn't that way, but when I find I fall back into old habits so easily if I lose focus. Hopefully one day I can move past it, but I'm aware that this may not be the case. For now, I'm feeling good and focused (yes, even despite my curly wurly slip). Somewhere along the way, this month-challenge thing has just turned into life - this just feels like what I do/eat, not a temporary thing.

I would have loved to go for a run this morning, but it was pouring with rain, so instead I had to resort thirty minutes on the exercise bike. Not my favourite way to exercise, but a good chance to work in some arm/shoulder work too with my dumbells.

Breakfast: CADA (which I had to share with the little miss) and a cup of tea with almond milk.

Morning tea: An apricot fruit leather and some strawberries.

Lunch: A nectarine. A bowl of homemade sweet potato chips (sweet potato cut into chip shapes, coated in olive oil and a little salt and baked in the oven). A fried egg on a piece of wholemeal bread (bakery not homemade).

Afternoon tea: Celery sticks with my hummus and sundried tomato dip. I had a bit of a taste of the chocolate mixture of a new recipe I tried (which I had for dessert), and a choc-mint ball (raw cacao treat balls recipe with added peppermint essence).

Tea: A thin steak and salad (made up of lettuce, carrot, cherry tomatoes, red capsicum, cucumber and cheese).

Dessert/Late night snack: Two choc mint balls. Two small pieces of raw chocolate shortbread. Brand new recipe - it's nice. Interesting. I think it will grow on me, but it's different to what I'm used to. A cup of tea with almond milk.

And that's it. That is my month up. I feel like I should be giving a speech or something, haha! Thank you to anyone who has been following and commenting along the way - your support really means a lot. But like I said, this isn't the end... there isn't an end. The month I told myself I would blog about to get back on track is over, but I will be just be here plodding along. I have a few things coming up that will test me (a bridal shower and a lunch) - yes I'll allow myself to eat whatever, but then making sure I stick with good, clean eating afterwards will be the test. I also have a fun run coming up at the start of March, and I have some other fitness goals in mind that I'll keep working towards.

So, goodbye for now, and I'll talk to you all soon xx

Day Thirty

No exercise today. I slept in this morning (very much needed), and then the day was so hot here that I wasn't keen to go outside. I cleaned the house all day though, so I wasn't sedentary.

Breakfast: I wasn't very organised, so my breakfast ended consisting of lots of lemon balls (about five or six I think).

Morning tea: Corn chips, a strawberry and a nectarine.

Lunch: A rye mountain bread wrap with my tuna spread, red capsicum, roquette and cheese. And the last of the corn chips.

Afternoon tea: A date. I made a dip, trying to replicate something my sister found at the supermarker: hummus and sundried tomato dip. So, I made hummus (garlic, chick peas, lemon juice, oil, salt and pepper and homemade tahini) and then added semi-dried tomatoes at the end. I had a fair bit of it with some rice crackers. Yum! I also had some grapes.

Tea: A rye mountain bread wrap with chicken, mizuna leaves (type of lettuce), tomato fresh from the garden and grated carrot.

Dessert/Late night snack: More rice crackers with the hummus and sundried tomato dip. A cup of tea with almond milk.

Tomorrow is the last day of my month-long blog-a-thon.

Day Twenty-Nine - Confession

Right, I got slack and didn't write here at all yesterday (day twenty-nine), so I am going to do my best to remember what I did/ate.

I went for a walk with mum in the morning - we did our usual 5km.

Breakfast: I had some more chocolate pudding (the one made out chia seeds, cashew milk, raw cacao powder, vanilla and maple syrup).

Morning tea: I had lemon balls... I don't remember how many though. And some more of those organic corn chips.

Lunch: I ended up making up another batch of that tuna stuff (tuna, onion and mayonnaise) and had that spread on a couple of corn thins.

Afternoon tea: More lemon balls. I had a couple of pieces of the little man's toast with honey (white bread, gasp). More corn chips. It was one of those days where I just picked all day long and all the meals sort of blended into each other. Some grapes. Maybe other stuff, but I can't remember.

Tea: I had two rye mountain bread wraps with chicken (from Coles), grated carrot, red capsicum, roquette and cheese. Yes, I caved... I'm back on cheese. I also had a spinach and fetta savoury leftover from the party.

Dessert/Late night snack: So, this is where the confession comes in. I had a curly wurly. There was leftover chocolates and other things from the little man's birthday party, and I saw it there earlier in the day... and well, there's no excuse really. I wanted it, I thought about for awhile, and eventually decided to eat it. And you know, it was nice and I enjoyed it, but probably not anymore than I've enjoyed the yummy, healthier versions of chocolate I've tried over the past month. I've been trying to decide if I feel bad or guilty about eating it, and I don't. Maybe because I have no plans to have anything like that again anytime soon? I had some thoughts of having another bit of chocolate, but ended up deciding against it, and have today sent the rest of the junk food leftover from the party with hubby to share around at his work. Out of sight, out of mind.

Day Twenty-Eight

Big day today - the little man's birthday party, so very busy getting everything ready. I still went for a walk with mum first thing though, about 5km.

Breakfast: I had a scrambled egg/omelette sort of thing: two eggs, mushrooms, tomato and salt and pepper cooked up, on a piece of wholemeal toast.

Morning tea: Two lemon balls, some semi-dried tomatoes (which I scoffed while making dip haha).

Lunch: I had an early lunch before I started decorating the cake. More leftovers - the chicken pasta sauce, minus the zoodles.

Afternoon tea: We were at the little man's party most of the afternoon, so I snacked on what I could. I had lots of fruit kebabs, some carrot and celery sticks with hummus and some (like three or four) of the naked chocolate cupcakes. Yum! When we got home I was exhausted and hadn't organised tea, so I snacked on a few lemon balls, and then some organic corn chips (same brand as the sweet potato chips/parsnip chips), only corn, chia seeds, linseed, brown rice, quinoa, oil and salt. Quite tasty!

Tea: I had nothing planned, so, we ended up having Burgers Got Soul for tea - my very favourite take away. As far as I can tell, it's all still fairly healthy: wholemeal bun, lean beef, fresh salad, homemade relish and mayo, etc... However, it did have cheese, and I would imagine there is sugar in the relish - but, meh, that's just nit-picking. Technically, yes, I have broken my challenge (no refined sugar, no dairy), but by so little so close to the end of my month, in my mind it doesn't count. And besides, this is not a 'diet' for me, this is about finding a healthy lifestyle I can maintain - and this is how I am maintaining it today!

Dessert/Late night snack: None tonight cause we had tea so late.

Only a couple of days left that I will be doing a daily exercise and food diary... After that I'll continue to blog here, just less often when I feel the need. Sorry if this has been terribly boring! If you'd like to keep following me here, just let me know and I'll try and remember to link it :).

Day Twenty-Seven

I went for a 6km run this morning - good way to start the day!

Breakfast: A green choc smoothie.

Morning tea: A chocolate muffin using the naked chocolate cake recipe. I've made some up for the little man's birthday party tomorrow - so there will be something yummy there I can eat besides fruit! I also had a lemon ball and an apricot fruit leather.

Lunch: Same as yesterday - tuna, roquette and tomato on wholemeal bread.

Afternoon tea: A lemon ball, an apricot fruit leather, grapes and some wholemeal gingerbread biscuits (they're in the baby food section at Woolworths - Little Bellies. Sweetened with grape juice and all organic ingredients).

Tea: Leftovers - so exactly the same as I had last night. Chicken pasta with zoodles.

Dessert/Late night snack: Grapes. I tried a new recipe for dessert - chocolate pudding, made with chia seeds. 

This morning I was having a look through my wardrobe, and stumbled across my leavers dinner dress - I was in Year 10 when I wore it last! So, I tried it on, and it fit - just as well, if not slightly better than it did when I was in high school! When I get to 60kg I think I might try on my wedding dress (I was 60kg when I got married). Can't wait to get there!

Tomorrow is going to be a real challenge with my eating. Being the little man's birthday party, there is going to be a lot of yummy food around, and I'm really going to have to watch myself - especially when icing the cake. No taste-testing along the way like I usually would! There are going to be plenty of healthier options there too, so I just need to stay strong. I'm so close to the end of my month now, I would hate to cheat now!

Day Twenty-Six

Breakfast: An apricot and a bowl of CADA.

Morning tea: A banana and two lemon balls.

Lunch: I wasn't very organised, so picked up a loaf of wholemeal bread from the bakery on the way home. I had a slice of wholemeal bread (the crust) with honey, then a sandwich with tuna (tuna in springwater drained, finely sliced onion and some mayonnaise all mixed together), roquette and slices of tomato (from our garden - first ones). I finished off the rest of the tomato I used to.

Afternoon tea: Half a slice of bread with honey (can you tell I was enjoying the bread from the bakery). Three lemon balls spaced out over the afternoon.

Tea: I tried a new recipe, chicken pasta with zoodles. It was really yummy. Looking forward to leftovers tomorrow night.

Dessert/Late night snack: Leftover chocolate ice cream (the one made with coconut cream, cacao powder, maple syrup, vanilla and cacao nibs).

Day Twenty-Five - Temptation

Today the little man turns 4! Wow! That means there is a lot of temptation around, so I must be good!

I actually had a dream last night that I cheated... I ate a mint slice biscuit, and I felt so bad about it afterwards! Thank goodness it was just a dream.

Oh, and (another) sneaky weigh in - I'm finally under 65kg, just. 64.9kg this morning! Op shopping here I come, haha!

Breakfast: A green choc smoothie (with added frozen blueberries and kale instead of my usual silverbeet).

Morning tea: We were going out for a picnic at the park with friends, so I had three lemon balls and a small apple before we left. However, one of my friends had prepared a lovely healthy platter for our picnic, so I snacked on grapes, strawberries, carrot sticks and capsicum as well.

Lunch: Leftover chilli con carne from last night with some corn thins for dipping. The last three homemade chocolates. An apricot fruit strap.

There is just so much temptation lying around today, I really need to keep distracting myself. Usually, I try not to have anything in the house, because it just makes it hard to resist when it's right there. At least if it's not in the house I know I can't eat it! The little man has tic toc biscuits, and then we were given a bag of lollies and some chocolate royals... Must keep busy!

Afternoon tea: Two apricots and a lemon ball.

Tea: Everyone else had McDonalds, and man it smelt good! But I stayed strong and just had more chilli con carne over cauliflower rice when we got home.

Dessert/Late night snack: A cup of peppermint tea, and a packet of mixed root vegetable chips (parsnip, sweet potato, beetroot and carrot). Same brand as last time, so the only ingredients are the vegetables, oil and salt. I was desperate for something like that after being so good all day!

Day Twenty-Four

I've been waking up really energy-less recently, so no exercise this morning. Being so energy-less I also didn't really eat properly - I spent the day picking, so my meals are a bit all over the place.

Breakfast: I made myself another layered maqui chia pudding, but I made it bigger than usual to finish off the last of the pudding. I so couldn't eat it all though - I ate about 3/4 of it, and have left the last of it for later.

Morning tea: A piece of raw choc brownie, the rest of my chia pudding and two homemade chocolates.

Lunch: Some leftover chicken from last night. Another raw choc brownie.

Afternoon tea: Two apricots. The last piece of brownie. Another of my banana smoothie concoctions: banana, almond milk, almond butter and honey. A few grapes.

Tea: Chilli Con Carne over cauliflower rice with a few carrot sticks.

After tea while hubby gave the kids a bath I went for a good walk (almost 5km). Lots of big hills and a good pace, built up quite a sweat - so I still managed to fit some exercise in.

Dessert/Late night snack: A few of my homemade chocolates (three or four I think), and some homemade chocolate ice cream, sort of following this recipe. I used maple syrup instead of honey, and used frozen coconut cream and whizzed it all up in the thermomix. I also added in cacao nibs near the end to make it like a choc chip ice cream, and then put a homemade chocolate on top. It was really yummy - I'm looking forward to the leftovers.

Day Twenty-Three

I started my day with a 5.3km run.

Breakfast: The same as lunch yesterday: fried lamb bacon and a fried egg on a slice of rye sourdough bread.

Morning tea: Two lemon balls and some blackberries.

Lunch: Layered maqui chia pudding again. Yum!

Afternoon tea: A cup of tea with almond milk, a slice of brownie and two of my homemade chocolates.  And a strawberry. A plum from our tree.

Tea: I finally got around to trying a recipe I have been meaning to for ages, mainly because I had heaps of garlic lying around. I tried the chicken with 40 cloves of garlic and OMG it was good! So yummy, so much flavour! Definitely a keeper that one! We had it with some carrot sticks, tomato slices, roquette and a slice of the rye sourdough to sop up all those lovely juices.

Dessert/Late night snack: A piece of raw choc brownie and two pieces of homemade chocolate, a strawberry and a cup of tea with almond milk.

Day Twenty-Two

I slept in this morning (gasp) to 7.45am... Then got up and went for a walk with mum. About 5km.

Breakfast: I had some layered maqui chia pudding. I layered mine with macadamias, blueberries, coconut cream and maple syrup. Was very yummy, and very, very filling! It kept me going all morning.

Morning tea: The kids and I were at a 2nd birthday party, so there was a lot of temptation around. I was very good though, and just snacked on carrot sticks and grapes. It's funny actually, I'm finding it easier to resist the longer I'm eating well... must remember that!

Lunch: Fried lamb bacon that we got from the local farmer's market yesterday, fried eggs (from our chooks) on a slice of rye sourdough.

Afternoon tea: A drink concoction I made up: banana, almond butter, honey and almond milk all whizzed up together. It was nice - will have to remember it! I also had one of my homemade chocolates.

Tea: Very similar to last night. Steamed salmon, steamed beans and sweet potato and homemade chips.

Dessert/Late night snack: A cup of peppermint tea and two slices of raw chocolate brownie.

Day Twenty-One - So close, damn!

Sneaky weigh in this morning, and I'm sitting at 65.3kg - which is great, I'm still losing steadily (500g loss since last Sunday), but it's teasingly close to my first goal - and I wanted to go op shopping today! (For those that haven't read/don't remember - going op shopping was my reward for getting to 65kg). So close, but just not quite yet. Still though, I'm just happy to still be losing with what I'm doing, because this is a lifestyle I'm trying to develop here, not just a short-term 'diet' to lose the weight. I'm trying to cultivate a way of life I feel I can uphold - and yes, that will include eating healthier versions of chocolate in it's many forms!

I was going to go in parkrun again this week, but it was looking particularly windy and threatening to rain, so instead I decided to go on the exercise bike (definitely not my favourite type of exercise). I did a lot of arm and shoulder exercises while on the bike too, so it was a good all over 30 minute workout.

Breakfast: I had two slices of my spelt bread spread with almond butter and homemade blueberry jam. After my workout I also had some grapes.

Morning tea: A Macro raw food bar, chocolate flavour. We went to a local farmer's market this morning and picked up some things, so I also had a few small pieces of rye sourdough spread with local blackberry honey (so yummy - not 100% what would have been in the bread, but it would all be pretty fresh so I'll just hope and assume there was no sugar?) and a blackberry (been awhile since I've had one).

Lunch: Another slice of the rye sourdough with honey. An apricot fruit leather.

Afternoon tea: Two slices of raw chocolate brownie (which probably really equals one). Some grapes. A few pieces of my homemade chocolate.

Tea: Steamed salmon, steamed beans and snow peas, and homemade chips. Was yummy - so yummy in fact I forgot to take a photo!

Dessert/Late night snack: A piece of raw chocolate brownie and a cup of tea with almond milk.

Day Twenty - Rambling

I can't believe it. I've gone twenty whole days without refined sugar or dairy. Twenty whole days without anything I would consider 'junk' food. Twenty days of clean eating. Twenty days of being on track. And you know what, I feel good. I feel really good. It's amazing the difference. It's hard to describe, but from knowing what it's like to be essentially living off crappy food, to now eating only good, clean foods - my body clearly likes the clean food better. None of those sugar highs and lows, none of that heart beating too fast in my chest, no waking up with a yucky taste in my mouth. I feel clear headed too.

I know this is something I want to keep up. I want to go sugar-free as much as I can. Dairy free too possibly, I'm not sure yet. I said I was going to reintroduce cheese, but then I didn't, and now I've decided to go at least the whole month. The longer I go without, the more I think that 'yeah, I could keep doing this'.

I still have my moments (or days sometimes) where I miss junk food, or crave a particular food that I'm not allowing myself right now... but I'm stubborn. I would be so annoyed at myself to chuck it in when I'm approaching the end of the month I promised myself. Plus, I think about how I would feel afterwards, and that puts me off straight away.

I have a few challenging days coming up over the next week or so. The little man turns four on Wednesday and he has requested chicken nuggets for tea. So, everyone but me will be having McDonalds... I'll have to think of a nice alternative so I don't feel like I'm missing out. I'll also get him a cake, but the one I'm thinking of is so sickly-sweet that I'm not even tempted to try it. Then, on the Saturday following we have his birthday party - there will be food galore and a cake that I am making, so I'll have to be careful not to taste-test the icing like I usually would! I am planning on making the naked chocolate cake again and turning the into cupcakes so there are a few things I can actually eat.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Let's get on to what I ate today (cause, it's so interesting...):

No exercise.

Breakfast: I was completely unprepared. We're running out of everything, I need to make up lots of things. So, I had a banana when I first got up.

Morning tea: Yummy yummy grapes, a cup of tea with almond milk and a Macro raw food bar (choc mint flavour).

Lunch: Lettuce, ham and tomato on two corn thins. The rest of the beetroot salad.

Afternoon tea: I spent the afternoon making things... lemon balls, raw chocolate brownie and some homemade chocolate. I also cooked a loaf of spelt bread. So, for afternoon tea I ended up having two small slices of bread with my blueberry jam, and some of the homemade chocolate. It's sugar free and dairy free, and really yummy! Better than the other recipe I've tried - having the almond butter in it makes all the difference. Oh, and a handful of grapes.

Tea: Leftover spaghetti bolognese from the other night over a mixture of spelt and wholemeal spaghetti.

Dessert/Late night snack: Two pieces of the raw chocolate brownie (though the pieces were so flat that it was really just like one piece), and a few pieces of the homemade chocolate.

Day Nineteen

A refreshing 4.91km run to start the day. I've been trying to change up the routes I take when running. I think I was getting too used to the route I was taking.

Breakfast: A bowl of CADA. I think I've mentioned CADA before - it is CoconutAlmondsDatesApple, all blended in the thermomix. I just do a small handful of each and one small apple. It makes a decent bowl full, and it is super yummy!

Morning tea: Celery sticks with almond butter. A bit of a peach and some blueberries.

Lunch: A small plum (off the tree in our garden). Two hard boiled eggs (from our chooks) mashed and then mixed with a teaspoon of mayo (egg salad kind of thing), then spread on two corn thins. Surprisingly filling.

Afternoon tea: My sister came for a visit and was raiding my cupboards for something to eat (as she does), so I whizzed up the leftover raw choc vegan mousse I had frozen and leftover from last night, and we shared that. I also had most of a peach that the little miss didn't finish.

Tea: Same as last night: chicken sausages and beetroot salad. I also had a couple of slices of tomato and some carrot sticks.

Dessert/Late night snack: Celery sticks with almond butter. I really like this combination!

Day Eighteen

Breakfast: Two slices of my homemade spelt bread toasted, then spread with my blueberry jam and almond spread (so kind of like a healthy version of peanut butter and jelly).

Morning tea: A casheroo bar and a fruit strap. A cup of tea (can't remember the name of it, but I had it black). Some grapes and some blueberries.

Lunch: Two slices of my homemade spelt bread toasted, and spread with yummy yummy manuka and leatherwood Tasmania honey. And the last casheroo bar.

Afternoon tea: A couple of small strawberries, a few blueberries and the last two pieces of fudge. That fudge was awesome! I am so trying another recipe like that - I'm think raw chocolate brownies next...
And a peach. And then a celery stick with almond butter haha. Pick pick picking.

Tea: Lemon juice in water. Chicken sausages and beetroot salad. We ended up sitting on a picnic rug in the backyard to eat our tea, as per the little man's request. Oh, and for those that are wondering, the beetroot salad is from my thermomix cookbook and is made up of beetroot, carrot, onion, apple, olive oil, lemon juice and a dash of salt.

Dessert/Late night snack: Raw vegan chocolate mousse. Mmm, so good. So very, very good.

No exercise for today. Planning a run in the morning though.

Day Seventeen

Breakfast: I wasn't very organised (again), so I ended up having two casheroo bars and some blueberries.

Morning tea: Two choc orange balls, half a fruit leather.

Lunch: A very early lunch today since I didn't really have a proper breakfast, and I was hanging out for it cause it smelt really good. Two slices of homemade spelt bread with my homemade naturally sweetened blueberry jam. In the past I've use 200g spelt flour and 300g wholemeal flour, but I was running low, so it was 250g combination of white spelt, wholemeal spelt and wholemeal flour with 250g bakers flour. The texture of the bread was much nicer using bakers flour, but taste-wise I think I prefer the spelt/wholemeal combination.

Afternoon tea: A piece of fudge and another slice of bread. Two choc orange balls (the last ones, finally finished them off). And then another piece of fudge.

Tea: Spaghetti bolognese over spelt spaghetti. I didn't follow a recipe, but it was basically onion, garlic, carrot, celery, oil, lean mince, tomatoes, tomato paste, vegetable stock (homemade), dried basil/oregano/marjoram and salt and pepper. Very tasty. Hubby was shocked we were having a 'normal' tea, haha!

Dessert/Late night snack: We had some peach fruity dream with the kids (a little coconut sugar, frozen peaches, an egg white). That was really yummy! Later I had a cup of peppermint tea and a piece of fudge.

Oh, and my exercise for today I fit in after tea, which I never do. While hubby gave the kids a bath I went for  brisk half an hour walk. It was a nice escape, and I realised while I was walking how much I prefer running.

Day Sixteen

Today's exercise - a 5.94km run. I took a different route this morning, and there were a few decent hills in there, so while I wasn't particularly fast it was still challenging me, pushing me. There is a 5km Women's Fun Run on March 3rd, so I'm excited to be doing that.

Breakfast: Two peaches and a bowl of grain free granola with almond milk.

Morning tea: A fruit leather, a choc orange ball, some strawberries, a slice of pickled pork (offered to me by a friend) and a cherry tomato.

Lunch: Coleslaw in a rice mountain bread wrap and another fruit leather. Then more coleslaw. I finished the rest off.

Afternoon tea: A casheroo, a peppermint tea and a choc orange ball.

Tea: Leftovers of what we had last night (sesame salmon with vegetables over quinoa).

Dessert/Late evening snack: I had some watermelon with the kids. Then, my eating for the day went a bit haywire... I'd been in a sad mood all afternoon and couldn't seem to snap myself out of it. I felt like snacking on something savoury, so I bought some vegetable chips - organic sweet potato chips and organic parsnip chips (both had only three ingredients: parsnip/sweet potato, oil and sea salt). I figured they've got to be a semi-healthy option. The only trouble is, I then proceeded to eat the entire contents of both bags. After I finished those, I then had a piece of my fudge that's been sitting in the freezer.

So yeah... emotional eating is still alive and well here. I guess it's about making sure it doesn't become a habit that is the trick. Yes, I over ate, but that doesn't mean I need to then go off into a downward spiral of eating junk food. No more yo-yo-ing remember!
Even though the chips were a healthier option, eating too many of them has still had a similar effect to eating junk food. I've woken up today (I'm posting this on the morning of day seventeen) with a bad taste in my mouth and a weird feeling in my throat, and I feel bigger in the tummy than I usually do first thing in the morning. Lesson learnt, again.

Day Fifteen

Today is my second official weigh-in (not my sneaky one from a few days ago), and I'm down to 65.7kg. I've lost exactly a kilo this week, which I'm stoked about! I am not really expecting to be losing a kilo a week like I was when I was really overweight - the smaller you get the slower the weight loss can become, but so far so good here! Only 700g till I reach my first goal weight (again). Bring on the op shopping haha!

I was supposed to go walking with my mum this morning, but my mum the party animal didn't get to bed till 3am, so she slept in instead. I had planned on going for a walk, but the day got away from me - so no exercise today.

Breakfast: I got hungry waiting for breakfast to be ready, so I had a casheroo. For breakfast I had oven-baked bacon (the good stuff I mentioned the other day, organic, woodsmoked, honey bacon) and some scrambled eggs (using almond milk). The bacon was soooo good! Oh, and a cup of tea with almond milk.

Morning tea: Two choc orange balls. A cup of tea with almond milk, and a small piece of fudge.

Lunch: I wasn't very organised for lunch again, so we ended up having the rest of the bacon with some more coleslaw that I made up in the thermomix. Yum! Definitely need to give the bacon a rest now though! As yummy as it is, it is so greasy.

Afternoon tea: A peach, half a banana and a bit of a taste of the icing I made for a cake I made.

Tea: We had sesame salmon and vegetables with creamy tikka sauce. I used whatever vegies we had - so sweet potato, carrot, beans and snow peas. We had a problem making the tikka sauce though, in that neither I nor hubby could get the lid off the tikka paste! So, instead I put in some homemade curry powder I had in the pantry. It still tasted great!

Dessert/Late night snack: I had a piece of naked chocolate cake with the chocolate mousse topping (made up of avocados, honey, raw cacao powder, vanilla bean paste and a pinch of salt). I invited my parents over to help us eat some of it too. Yum yum yum - definitely gave me that chocolate hit I was after! I may have had a second piece later on... 

Day Fourteen - Two weeks, done and dusted!

I had a really lovely moment this morning that reminded me exactly why I am doing all this. I told my little man (who is almost four - yikes) that I was going in a run this morning (parkrun). He knows all about my running, as he sees me leave for my runs several mornings a week, and has come along to watch when I've gone in fun runs. Then, having heard me talking about running, the little miss (who is 21 months today - yikes again!) wandered off into my bedroom and came out with my sports bra and running top and handed them to me. So, I put them on and asked her where my running pants were, and she went and got those for me, then my socks, and then she went looking for my running shoes. She was so excited about me getting dressed to go running, and once I was dressed she looked like she was ready for me to go. And then, throughout the morning before the run (cause it didn't start till 9am), every time we mentioned that I was going running she would smile and get excited. Who knows why she was finding it so exciting, but still, the fact that she understands that I go running, and is excited about it - it really reminds who exactly I'm doing this for.

To be a healthy mummy for my kids, and to demonstrate a lifestyle for them to follow - that is why! It makes everything worth it.

So, for exercise today I went in my local parkrun. For those who haven't heard of it, parkrun is a free weekly 5km run, for runners of all standards. It's all volunteer organised. They're organised all around the world, so if you haven't heard of them I highly recommend checking out the website and seeing if there is one near you. Sorry, I'm not advertising haha - I just think it's a really good idea!
It was a good run - I spent the first almost kilometre fumbling around with my headphones cause they wouldn't stay in my ears properly, but after that it was all good. I sprinted the last 100-200m or so, and passed a few other runners. It's not a race, but I must have a slight competitive streak that comes out haha! Anyway, I placed 39th overall (out of 91 runners), 14th female over the line, and a time of 26.06. Not my personal best for parkrun, but still pretty happy with it!

Breakfast: A green choc smoothie minus with added in blueberries but minus the avocado. I find it's the best breakfast to have before a run because it's not too heavy in your stomach.

Morning tea: A small apple and one of my cookies. Then just before lunch a choc orange ball.

Lunch: We invited a couple of friends over for a BBQ lunch (second time we've used our hand-me-down barbecue). I had a burger on a homemade spelt/wholemeal bun with coleslaw. I had a little bit of leftover burger of the little miss too. Very filling. Very yummy.

Afternoon tea: Grapes and another cookie.

Tea: After having such a filling lunch we just had a 'bitsa' tea. We had leftover coleslaw, a small bit of homemade bread roll and some oven baked sweet potato.

Dessert/Late night snack: The last cookie and two pieces of the fudge I made the other day. The fudge is really growing on me actually.

Day Thirteen

Little sneak peek on the scales this morning - down to 65.95kg! Just under a kilo to my first goal!

Breakfast: Grain free granola with almond milk and slices of banana on top.

Morning tea: Two choc orange balls and a small apple.

Lunch: Two wraps with ham, lettuce, tomato and cucumber. They're so light, I needed two to fill me up! I also had a small piece of fudge.

Afternoon tea: I have been eyeing off lots of recipes recently, so this afternoon I decided to try some paleo cookies with cacao nibs, macadamia nuts and coconut. I love choc chip cookies, and this looked like it might be a nice, healthy alternative. I made them up (the recipe made 12), and they actually looked and smelt just like cookies! At first taste they're nice, but I need to try one when it's cool to decide properly. They're also very filling I discovered. I had one, and that was definitely enough... until an hour or so later, then I tried another. Oh, and a date that the little miss didn't eat.

Tea: Sausages and coleslaw. Okay, the coleslaw is not really keeping within 'clean eating/no refined sugar'. The mayonnaise I used is probably one of the better ones, but it still has corn syrup which is essentially sugar as far as I understand it (used lots in the states I believe in their confectionary, etc). But, no nasty preservatives or flavours or colours, so that's something. The coleslaw is the thermomix recipe (cabbage, carrot, onion, apple and mayonnaise/coleslaw dressing).
So, I guess I've technically broken the no refined sugars thing... technically. But I'm not going to get caught up on such a small technicality. I could have made my own mayonnaise, but I can never seem to get it right and it always ends up tasting funky, so I didn't bother.

Dessert/Late night snack: A couple of my paleo cookies and a piece of fudge.

No exercise today, but am going in my local parkrun tomorrow morning, so that will be a nice 5km run.

Day Twelve - Reassessing my goals

I started the day with thirty minutes on the exercise bike. Not my favourite way to exercise, but it's pouring with rain here and is supposed to be all day, so this was my best bet to fit some exercise in. The exercise bike is currently in our bedroom, and I realised while I was cycling that my dumbbells were within arms reach. So, I ended up doing some arm work while I cycled too. It was definitely a good workout - I can feel it in my legs and arms and shoulders.

Breakfast: I wanted to have CADA, but then I thought that the ingredients in that is too similar to what is in my choc orange balls, so I decided to have raw fruit cereal instead. I left out the sultanas though and replaced them with goji berries.

Morning tea: Cherries and two choc orange balls. Yum!

Lunch: I went to the health food store this morning and ended up buying some organic bacon there. On the drive home I was daydreaming about having bacon and eggs for lunch, but then I read the ingredients... sugar is an added ingredient. It was probably not enough to even matter, but I would know, so I decided (after much deliberation) not to have the bacon. So, I ended up having two fried eggs on corn thins (no bread in the house). I also had a cup of tea with almond milk.

Afternoon tea: Two casheroo bars (which I must remind myself is too much - one was plenty). I had a cup of tea with almond milk to use up the last of it. I then made up a new batch. I always wonder what to do with the leftover pulp left behind when you make almond milk, but browsing on The Rawtarian I found some recipes that use it, including a raw almond pulp fudge, so I made that up quickly in the thermomix. They also suggest topping it with raw chocolate icing, so I made that too. I tried little bits of the fudge and icing along the way, but have to wait for it to set in the freezer before trying it properly.

I was feeling rather flat today, so I think that's what led me to making something very chocolatey. I just need to remember not to eat huge quantities of it!

Tea: I was really not feeling inspired for tea. I didn't have any meat out, and not anything around to just whip something up. I ended up going to the supermarket once hubby was home and getting things for wraps. So, we ended up having ham salad wraps. I used mountain bread, as that seems to be the brand with the least amount in it (nothing bad as far as I can tell), with lettuce, cucumber, cherry tomato, grated carrot and triple smoked ham (who knows what is in that stuff). Hubby and kids had cheese on theirs too, lucky buggers.

Dessert/Late night snack: I had the last piece of my banana cream pie. That lasted a long time! I'll definitely be making it again. I also tried a couple of pieces of the fudge. Very nice. Very fudgey!

I have been thinking a lot about my eating today, and am starting to look what I want to keep and what I want to bring back in. For now, I'm quite happy to keep going with no refined sugars. I'll keep that up at least for the month, but really I would like to have that be ongoing as much as is practical.

I definitely want to stick to eating wholegrains - again, as much as is practical.

As for no dairy - I've decided to stick that out till two weeks (so two more days, haha!), but after that I want to bring back cheese. I don't miss milk or yogurt, but I do miss cheese. And butter, just to spread on bread! So, I guess I won't be strictly no dairy, just minimal dairy. I haven't ever had problem digesting dairy as far as I can tell, but I have noticed I don't bloat when not having dairy which is nice purely for being able to wear tighter fitting tops without my belly sticking out!

I'm trying to look at the long term here, about what habits I think I can maintain, and if being too restrictive will just send me into wanting things all the time. Cheese goes in so many things I like to make and eat, so it makes sense to bring it in. Not going overboard of course though.

Ultimately, I want to eat as well (or as 'clean') as I can all the time, but I don't want to go through life never being able to eat out at restaurants or accept food offered to me when I'm out or enjoy Christmas! I need to find a balance I can live with, because otherwise I am destined to spend my life yo-yo-ing back and forth between really good eating, and really crappy eating.

Something I have thought of is 'clean' eating when I am home and have control over the situation, then when I'm out eating whatever is available, but being sensible about it.

I'm hoping that by writing here I can work through my 'issues' with food and find a healthy, long term balance.

Day Eleven

As much as I didn't feel like it, I went for a run this morning. I'm so glad I did. It was a great run - some runs are good, some are so hard. This was a good run where I felt good, but also felt like I was pushing myself and using my muscles. I ended up running 5.3km in about 29 minutes. I love that 'feel-good' high I get after a run. It's such a good way to start the day.

Breakfast: I made myself a green choc smoothie with added frozen blueberries and fresh silverbeet picke straight from the garden.

Morning tea: Before we left for mum's group I had a couple of pieces of banana bread spread with my homemade naturally sweetened blueberry jam. While we were out I had some grapes and some cherries.

Lunch: I wasn't very organised for lunch, so I ended having the last slice of banana bread with more blueberry jam, a slice of leftover silverside and a small piece of my homemade spelt bread defrosted from the freezer.

Afternoon tea: A small apple, a casheroo bar and a cup of peppermint tea.

Tea: Bit of a disaster. We had a weird cut of meat for a roast lamb. I had no idea what I was doing with it. It tasted okay, the bits I could actually get into, but quite a bit of it was still very pink. It was probably fine to eat, but I'm not comfortable eating meat that pink. I had some carrots and beans with it, and a slice of my spelt bread to finish off the loaf.

Dessert/Late night snack: Banana cream pie and two choc orange balls.

Day Ten - All over the place, but staying strong

Today I had a baby shower at my house for a lovely friend who is expecting twins. It was a very full day - decorating, setting up and cooking first thing this morning, the baby shower, then tidying up afterwards... my day was over very quickly. As a my eating was all over the place with no structured meals - I kind of just grazed all day long. I'm happy to say I resisted all the sugary temptation - though just barely, but I think I probably ate too much of everything.

I didn't manage to fit any exercise in either. Planning on a run in the morning though.

Breakfast: I was in a rush getting everything ready, so I just grabbed a Macro Raw Food Bar, chocolate flavoured.

After that there was no real distinction between meals, just eating bits of everything here there and everywhere. From memory I had an Emma and Tom's Raw Cacao and Orange life bar, lots of slices of the banana bread I made for the baby shower, a few choc orange balls, a casheroo bar, some bacon hubby had cooked up last night, grapes and cherries. There may have been other things for all I know, I lost track - but I do know that I stuck to my no junk, no sugar, etc rules.

Tea: The rest of the dairy-free carbonara from last night. It was yummy! I ended up eating mine and both kids because they wouldn't eat it and I couldn't stop myself!

Dessert/Late night snack: A choc orange ball, a piece of banana cream pie and a cup of tea with almond milk.

Day Nine

I started the day with a brisk 5km walk with my mum. We didn't get rained on today!

Breakfast: Hubby offerred to make pancakes, and make pancakes I could eat - so how could I refuse!? We found a basic pancake (crepe) recipe, and swapped the plain flour for spelt flour and the milk for almond milk, and then fried them using ghee instead of butter. They turned out really well - the only problem was there wasn't enough of them! I managed to get three, but poor hubby only got two. The kids ate the rest. To go on the pancakes I made up a blueberry maple syrup - literally just blueberries and 100% pure organic maple syrup. So yummy. I suspected three crepes wouldn't tide me over for long though, so I also had a small apple.

Morning tea: We were going ten pin bowling with my family, so I thought I better pack something to eat while we were out. I took a cherry and goji berry life bar.

Lunch: A slice of cold silverside, steamed carrots and beans, a slice of my spelt bread and some reheated white parsley sauce. All so yummy again, and very filling.

Afternoon tea: A couple of bars of casheroo mixture (I licked it off the spoon when I was making it haha and then kept picking). I also had a couple of grapes, and some medjool dates. I've never tried medjoo dates - omg they're good! It was like eating caramel.

Tea: I tried a new recipe - yet another from Quirky Cooking. This time, a dairy-free carbonara over spelt spaghetti. It was so yummy!!! Hubby loved it too. Definitely one I'll be making again. Plenty of leftovers too.

Dessert/Late night snack: A piece of banana cream pie (slowly making my way through it), and then some oven-baked bacon that hubby cooked up. Bit naughty!

Day Eight - First week weigh in

Weigh in this morning and I am down to 66.7kg - a loss of 3.4kg! I know that's not all weight loss - the first day or two was just the excessive crappy food leaving my system, but there's some weight loss in there too. Only 1.7kg till my first goal.

Exercise today was a brisk walk with my mum, in the rain. We usually walk about 5km, but it it was so cold and wet and miserable outside that we only ended up doing about 2.5km. Better than nothing though!

Breakfast: Bacon and eggs - using our farm style bacon we got in out meat delivery, and eggs from our chickens. Rather tasty! Oh, and a cup of tea with almond milk.

Morning tea: One choc orange ball (I made 36 balls and only 35 would fit in the container, so I ate one haha!). I use this recipe, with orange instead of lemon and add 30g raw cacao powder and roll them into balls. Mmm. I also had half a banana life bar. Mel told me about these, and then I found some at my local supermarket. Can't wait to try all the different flavours!

Lunch: Two slices of homemade spelt bread (same recipe I used for the rolls except made into a loaf of bread) spread with my blueberry jam.

Afternoon tea: A very small apple, the last square of casheroo. I had a small bottle of apple juice while we were out with MIL (it had no added sugar, I checked - it was the best choice besides water I could see there). Back at home I had a little rockmelon and then some slices of raw carrot when I was chopping them for tea. I also had one of my choc orange balls - I wanted to wait for tea, but I was sooo hungry!

Tea: Silverside, roasted potato and sweet potato, steamed carrots and green beans, all with a parsley sauce - I found a dairy-free white sauce and added parsley. OMG, it was all so yummy! I kept picking at the potatoes and sweet potato!

Dessert/Late night snack: Banana cream pie, and then half a choc peppermint Macro Raw Food Bar (another bar Mel told me about). It was pretty good.

Day Seven - The end of week one

So, after today I will have been one full week without any refined sugars or dairy passing my lips. I feel really good. The first few days I felt a bit 'blah' - but that's pretty normal for me if I have been having lots of crappy food and then cut cold turkey to healthy food, no sugar, etc. I feel good in my body, and good in my mind - in control of food, food not in control of me.

I'll weigh myself tomorrow morning to see how one week of clean eating and exercise has impacted on my weight loss. The first week is usually a big one.

I definitely 'feel' slimmer. I'm not all bloated (no dairy is responsible for that I reckon) and I don't feel as wobbly after getting back into exercise.

My exercise for today was the Australia Day 5km fun run. It was a good run. Hard, but not too hard. Definitely felt like I'd worked my muscles!

Breakfast: I wanted something light before my run, so I had a green choc smoothie. It was quite sweet this morning even though there's no sugars, just the dates. I did add in some frozen blueberries though, and the banana I used may have been overripe, so that would explain it.

Morning tea: Some slices of orange after the 5km. Two choc mint balls.

Lunch: Leftover chicken bacon alfredo from yesterday. I was starving after getting back from my pedicure and I knew we'd be going out for lunch, so I quickly had those leftovers before we left so I had a good excuse not to be eating when everyone was chowing down on their sausage rolls and milkshakes.

Afternoon tea: A few rice crackers while we were out, and two squares of casheroo when we got home. Some grapes while I waited for tea.

Tea: We had a barbecue at mum and dad's for Australia Day. I had a steak, one and a half sausages, a dinner roll and some salad (made of lettuce, tomato, carrot, onion and cheese - except I didn't eat the cheese). I was a good girl and turned down the pavlova my mum had made.

Dessert/Late night snack: A slice of banana cream pie. Nom nom.

Day Six - Not enough calories?

It has been pointed out to me by a dear friend and fellow weight loss legend (Hi Mel *waves*) that I may not be having enough calories. I definitely don't want to be one starving my body - not a healthy way to lose weight, and not an example I want to be setting for anyone who might be following me. So, she is kindly working out yesterdays calorie intake for me because I have never counted before and wouldn't even know where to start! If I am not getting enough, I'll adjust accordingly.
*Updated* She worked it out for me (roughly). All good, phew.

No exercise today. Rest day.

Breakfast: I really wanted CADA this morning, but we were out of almonds. CADA, for those who don't know, is CoconutAlmondsDatesApple - a handful of each and one apple whizzed up in the thermomix or food processor. Very yummy... But, no almonds, so instead I had grain free granola again, with almond milk and strawberries.

Morning tea: A cup of tea with almond milk. One of the rolls I made yesterday cut in the half and toasted in the toaster, and then spread with some blueberry jam I made using this recipe. I used blueberries instead of strawberries and coconut sugar instead of rapadura. I do love jam on bread, so this was a lovely, healthy alternative.

I went out to my parents house, and then onto the supermarket and was pretty hungry by the time I got home, so I also had a choc mint ball.

Lunch: I ended up having about a quarter of the last roll from yesterday with honey on it - the leftovers of what my little man didn't eat for lunch.

I bought a can of tuna in springwater at the supermarket, so I thought I'd use that for my proper lunch. I ended up mixing up the can of tuna with onion, carrot and an egg and shaped them into patties, then fried them up with a little avocado oil. I put two of the patties on a piece of rice mountain bread with some lettuce and tomato. I have three tuna patties leftover too - so that will come in handy for snacks or lunch.

Afternoon tea: A piece of raw chocolate, this time a coconut one. Most of an orange that I shared with the little miss (about 2/3) and a square of casheroo.

Tea: Chicken bacon alfredo over zoodles. Yum, it was so good! It's very handy having Mel doing her paleo challenge cause she puts up lots of yummy recipes I can try!

Dessert/Late night snack: Banana cream pie. I was really impressed with this - so yummy, yet it's grain free, dairy free and sugar free! It made heaps too, so we'll be having this for snacks and dessert for a while I think!

Once the kids were both in bed I had a cup of tea with almond milk and a couple of pieces of the raw chocolate (trying to finish it off to make space in my freezer).

I have a few challenging days coming up. We have lots of visitors and outings this long weekend, so there will be lots of temptation. I'm determined to stick to being sugar free. Dairy free will be trickier, especially seeing as I'm not 100% convinced I want to stay dairy free (I miss cheese *sigh*). I'll do my very best though - try and not just eat things that are offered to be polite, etc.

I'll be starting off the long weekend well though - with a 5km fun run tomorrow morning!

Day Five

I ran 5.3km this morning! I haven't done that for almost two months, so I'm glad I've still got it. There's a local 5km fun run on Australia Day that I'm thinking of going in, so I wanted to be sure I could actually still run 5km.

Breakfast: Chocolate banana nut ice cream. Ice cream for breakfast you say? Yup! There's no sugar (just a little agave nectar), no dairy, and it's full of bananas and nuts... Plus, it's really, really yummy!

I had to share with the little miss - she likes it too, and I don't feel like a bad mummy giving it to her.

Morning tea: Boiled egg. Some strawberries and dates while out at the library with the kids. I was starving when we got home so I also had a choc mint ball.

Lunch: More raw pasta sauce over spelt spaghetti.

Afternoon tea: A couple of squares of casheroo and some strawberries.

Tea: Homemade hamburgers. I made the buns using spelt flour and wholemeal flour. They turned out really well, a really tasty bread.

The burgers I ground up some meat to make mince, added some onion, garlic, parsley, tamari and a bunch of random spices in my spice rack (from memory I used onion powder, garlic powder, paprika, smoked paprika and celery salt). I had lettuce, tomato, cucumber, grated carrot and some rings of salad onion on mine. I tell you though, I was eyeing off the melted cheese on the kids burgers!

Dessert/Night time snack: A few small bits of disappointing pineapple. A few pieces of chocolate (gasp!) - well, sort of chocolate. It's raw chocolate made from coconut oil, raw cacao powder and agave nectar. I have to keep it in the freezer, cause it melts otherwise. It sort of tastes like chocolate I guess - I like the ones I made with added coconut better than the plain ones. And to finish the day - a cup of chai tea with almond milk.